Hello Friend!

I knew I was going to have to blog again after this past weekend – but mostly because I wanted to share a “true friendship” with all of you. Not that all of my friendships aren’t meaningful, but this one is worthy of sharing, today.

My weekend started out with a dinner at my friend Anne’s house. I met Anne the summer before 9^th grade – so I guess that would be the summer of 1987. That would have made us both 14, at the time. Anne was new to our neighborhood in 1987 – the product of a military family. We shared the bond of moving around the world and became fast friends. Anne and I were inseparable. For nearly 2 years we ate together, slept over one another’s houses every weekend, shopped together – shared a love for the band U2 together – and ultimately we stayed together everywhere we went. Our sophomore year of high school was a defining moment for both of us – I was cut from the volleyball team; she made the cheerleading squad. Our worlds were moving in opposite directions, but we tried to hold on. Friends outside of our immediate circle could not begin to understand how a preppy-cheerleader and a geeky new-wave-girl could have anything in common. And, sadly, just before the end of the fall of our sophomore year – we “broke up.” It was devastating (for me). I had never had a friend like Anne.

So, the month after I left my husband (one year ago, this week), Anne and I were reunited on Facebook. It was, coincidentally, ANOTHER elementary school friend from the SAME neighborhood who, in essence, helped us reunite. An even stranger fact – not only did the 3 of us grow up in the same neighborhood (literally seconds from one another’s homes by foot) we now all lived within miles of each other in Arizona (1500 miles from the tiny neighborhood of Patricia Gardens in Fairview Heights, Illinois).

I tell you this back story as I think it’s important explain this weekend. Anne and her husband made a delicious dinner for Dennis and me on Friday night. And, when I found myself pacing the house on Saturday, Anne was quick to suggest we spend the day shopping for some of the household things I needed. We laughed as we picked out the exact same pair of pants and held them up to show the other “how cute they are!” The day went by and we laughed, reminisced and ultimately enjoyed the day.

But it was Sunday (you know I always get around to making this about running – so here it is) that made me realize that, while there was a halt in our friendship from 1989 to 2008, not a moment was truly lost. Anne had asked if she could “Sherpa” for me on my long 20 mile run on Sunday. I was elated that Dennis would FINALLY be off the hook – poor guy has spent 2 years “Sherpa-ing” my runs (Thank you, Dennis!). Worried about giving the responsibility of water and Gu to someone new – I graciously accepted – trying to put my worries aside.

On Sunday, I got to mile 8 and there with a HUGE smile was Anne. She uncapped my “room-temperature” water, chatting away about looking like a hooker standing on the side of the road in the somewhat-dark. It made me laugh – which was awesome. Unfortunately, I was already sore and could only utter “can you pick up some Ibuprophen and bring it with you to mile 14?” I know I shouldn’t take it, but the 7 mile hike from the day before was felt EVERYWHERE! I continued on my trek around the corner, thanking Anne for being there – RIGHT on schedule.

The next six miles weren’t awful. I passed a lot of people; it was an absolutely gorgeous morning by Arizona standards. By the time I saw Anne (once again in her traditional “hooker-pose”) at mile 14, she was standing with her bike, two waters (at room temp), Gu, tissues, Ibuprophen and a smile. She knew JUST what I needed – someone to get me through the last 6 miles. I had been running for 2 hours and 17 minutes at that point and was really ready to quit, but Anne reminded me that she was “really looking forward to a little exercise.” Little did she realize she’d be peddling at a snail’s pace.

After a mile and a half I told her I wanted to quit – she wouldn’t have it. She told me to take some more water and that we could walk for a stretch. I made it past the point where it was possible to shorten the run and we were off. I ran and while she peddled she told me hysterical stories – the hooker one was my favorite. She talked about our love of U2 as 14 year olds, college bar scenes, her life in Chicago and how annoyed she’d be if the Cubs Spring Training Facility moved from Phoenix to Florida. She made me laugh and kept me thinking about anything but the pain in my legs and butt! At mile 18.5 I asked to walk a little – she agreed, “but only to that bush – or maybe that street sign,” she protested. “You can see the tops of the buildings at the street where you’re done; so, come on!” I felt like I would let her down if I didn’t continue. Anne has had a series of difficult health-related issues over the last few years and I needed to show her that I could do this – for both of us.

As we approached the final light – and yes, I did start up at the street sign (NOT the bush), the light turned green and she said, “come on, you can make it through the light!” I did and was never so pleased to have had THAT kind of slave-driving Sherpa at my side! 20 miles and 3 ½ hours later, I was done.

Nearly twenty years had passed and we were together – through some of the hardest times – again. Hugs!

New day - Nov 1, 2009

So, my cousin Jackie complains that I don’t blog enough – well…at all. This is for her – and anyone else remotely interested in my passion for running and life.

Here it is exactly 2 weeks from my 37^th birthday and it’s fair to say – I don’t feel 37. Since August, I have been training harder and longer for the Phoenix Marathon (in January), again. I remain committed to completing it in under 4:30. I know the answer is endurance – I tend to crap out somewhere between mile 17-20 and then simply want to slow to nearly a walk. The 2010 Marathon will be different – I am convinced I can do it at 37, even if I was unable at 35 and 36.

At 37, however, it feels much more important to meet my goal. I have endured a lot, this year. I spent the beginning of 2009 unemployed and scared – scared that I would never find the job I wanted. I interviewed tirelessly for positions I was willing to take – worrying as I left each interview that this was it; this was to be my future. However, amidst the weirdness of interviews came a position within Student Life and Leadership at Mesa Community College – and regardless of the pay, I knew I needed to get THAT position. My 6 month anniversary – and the end of my probationary period with the district – comes THIS week. I am grateful for the opportunity. I absolutely adore the work and the people with whom I work!

Additionally, in conjunction with unemployment and finding new work came divorce. I spent the better part of 2009 feeling guilty and ashamed. I never wanted to be one of them – the 50 percent who married and couldn’t stick with it. It wasn’t for a lack of trying – but the love was gone and today I am divorced. I am no longer ashamed and guilty – rather free and excited about my future. I thank those who were supportive and understanding. Sadly, some of my friends passed judgment without entertaining that they may not know the whole story. I am glad to say that I have picked an amazing group of friends (and family) – and I should probably spend an entire blog thanking each of them. Fortunately, I am fairly certain they know who they are.

As I ran this morning, I thought about this blog. I thought about how, without running, I would be in a very different psychological place. For those of you who don’t run – or who tell me you can’t run – running saved my life. When I was scared of never finding another job that I loved as much as my work at UAT, running motivated me to get up early every morning and think through interview questions, or a new sentence in a cover letter. When I was upset by the loss of “another” friendship, running showed me that I can do things that others cannot – and I should keep it at the forefront to prove to myself that anything is possible, even if alone. Running isn’t just about putting one foot in front of the other – it’s about accomplishing something and committing to the future. It’s about creating goals and seeing them to the finish (line). One needn’t go 26.2 miles to have accomplished their goals – sometimes it’s a 5K or their first mile without stopping. But, regardless of the distance – running makes you realize that you CAN do just about anything – no matter how painful and difficult.

In 2009 I endured unemployment and divorce – and I am hopeful for my future, thanks to running.

I’ll leave you with this final little story… this morning, as I ran through downtown Tempe and the ASU campus at 630am, I passed several young people still in Halloween costumes from the night before. I cackled at most of them as they made their ways to their apartments, dorms or the local breakfast joint. But, the best moment came just as I finished my 4^th mile. Two guys, CLEARLY recovering from the evening’s festivities saw me and one of them stuck his hand out as I ran passed him. I stuck my hand out, somewhat incredulously, and he gave me a high-five yelling as I passed, “you’re my inspiration.” I admit that I laughed and continued on my journey. But, for the remainder of my 10K run, I smiled. He actually made my day. At 6:30am, I was someone’s inspiration – if only for a moment. It was a little cheesy – but I didn’t want to be anywhere else, doing anything else at that moment. I hope I see him again, one of these days… in running shoes.

(I promise to blog more, as I get closer to the marathon. Thanks Jackie – and Nugget – for being my inspiration. I love you.)

Marathon Part Deux (part one was held captive by a crappy university)

I admit it, I was really nervous, this time. Over the course of the last month, I had developed a slight pain in my left leg that had me worried about two things: injury and an inability to complete the full marathon.

Some would say that getting up at 4:45am was the hard part, but I was ready and anxious, so getting up early was a blessing. As always, I enjoyed an iced coffee and was out the door by 5:45am headed to downtown Phoenix. (Thank you, Dennis, for getting up at the crack of dawn and dragging my butt down to the starting line).

By the time I arrived, there were about 1000 people standing around. It was dark and cold (by Arizona standards), as most of us were in shorts. I have always wondered what kind of runner can consume a bagel prior to the start, but there were people at the bagel booth noshing away. I grabbed a bottle of water – which, hysterically, was at the very end of a long line of freebie booths (juice, coffee, bagels, power bars, fruit….water). Once I had my water, I made my way to the starting line for the second year in a row.

It was now about 6:15am and I was wandering around, alone, sipping my water. As I stood there, a super nice guy approached and said, “how long ‘til we go?” I glanced at my watch and smiled, “almost 90 minutes.” So, Kelly became my best friend for those 90 minutes. Turns out we were both to be in the same corral at the start: number 7. Kelly was a 57 year old Physician’s Assistant from Northeastern Arizona and a super nice guy. Not sure what I would have done without him. He told me stories of running with his two dogs in the snow at 5000 foot elevations and we commiserated about the horrors of resorting to treadmill running. Around 7am, we both agreed we should wait in the port-a-potty line; after all, no one wants to have to go “on the run”. At 7:00 the lines were short-ish, so we were done in a matter of 15 minutes, or so. Kelly checked his running bag with UPS, and we stood there. “25 minutes ‘til the start,” he says. “Shall we spend the last 25 minutes in the port-a-potty line, again?” Laughing, I actually thought it was a fine idea. And, with 7 minutes to spare, Kelly and I made our way to Corral 7.

Kelly admitted that he’d likely finish about an hour after me, so we knew once the shot was fired, we would be saying our goodbyes forever. We embraced and thanked one another, cheering each other on as we waited. The National Anthem played, the crowd went quiet, and the shot fired…

This year was different; there was no one I knew standing on the sidelines screaming at the start and there was no good friend in the corral with me allowing me to keep pace. It was just me and 10,000 people I didn’t know.

Like last year, the first 5 miles (straight up 7^th Avenue) were routine. People were super excited and the noise level made my iPod virtually useless. But, by the time we turned onto Missouri, the crowds on the sidelines dwindled and now it was just about us, the runners – supporting each other. Last year, I ran with a pack of people who were supporting each other. I like them; I learned their names and they learned mine and we helped one another through the ½ marathon point. But this year it seemed I was lumped in with people just wanting to finish – no real joy in their eyes, just quiet and focused. I wore a shirt that had my name on it, so every ½ mile or so I would hear my name and smile at the spectator who yelled it.

At mile 6, I began to take my GU pack out of my bra when I saw my very good friends Victoria and Bill. There they were cheering me on and excited to see me. Bill laughed and commented about how many thousands had passed and still how many thousands were behind me. Because Missouri is a narrow road, I asked them to walk with me on the far side of the street as to get out of the way of runners while I took my GU and my first 4 ounces of water. Unfortunately, that choice had me miss the 10K marker, but a nice woman grabbed me to ensure I came back to cross the chip machine. I was annoyed that I missed it and had to back track a few steps, but I came out unscathed. =)

After passing Victoria and Bill, I really enjoyed the next 6 miles. I was tracking myself at about a 9:40 mile and pleased. I knew I was on track for my 4:30 finish. At mile 8, or so, we all passed this group of drunkards in their front lawn tailgating before the Cardinals/Eagles game. It was probably 9am, and they screamed and hollered, trying to get anyone on the route to enjoy a cold beer with them. We all loved them; they were hysterical.

As I rounded the corner of Indian School and 44^th Street, I knew I’d be seeing Lane in less than a mile (and it was downhill), so I got very excited. Lane agreed to meet me a couple of tenths passed the mile 12 marker to give me more GU, water and chapstick. I love the chapstick!!! And there she was, jumping up and down ready to either start running or walking. I slowed to a fast walk and took my GU. The sun was beginning to beat down on us, so I took about 8 ounces of water this time. The chapstick keeps my lips hydrated, so I was fine for a while after seeing Lane. She told me I looked great, and I felt great, so I was off to my next stop – mile 15 and Dennis.

This is when things started to go poorly. Just after passing the ½ way mark, I had to pee. I know it seems like nothing to people who don’t run, but it’s devastating to those of us who do. Your bladder does not want to hold; it just wants to release from all the pressure due to running and pounding. So, holding it is misery. Fortunately, I knew there’d be port-a-potties around mile 14, so I tried for 10 minutes to keep my mind on other things – IMPOSSIBLE! I was thrilled to see the potties and took a short pit-stop to use them. Now, I had lost a few minutes and I was getting nervous about making my time.

It wasn’t two-tenths of a mile later that I saw Dennis. I ran right passed him…he wasn’t at mile 15, he was at mile 14.5 because he didn’t think I’d get there so quickly. BOY was THAT nice to hear. I felt like a speed demon! Dennis wasn’t at his spot because I was too fast – YES!!!! So, I took a wee bit of water, added some BodyGlide to my inner thighs (ahhhhhh!!!), more chapstick and was off in about 60 seconds. Thank you, Dennis. That motivated me to get back on track.

But, as anticipated mile 16 grew tiring and I thought I would never make it to my friend, Jon, at mile 17. I rested and walked a bit for the first time, but was up and adam again in a minute. There was Jon, smiling and planning to run with me. I told him to cool it and just walk for a tad while I took his water. You don’t know how nice it is not to have to walk through the water stations knowing you have water and a good friend just beyond. Jon and I ran the marathon together the year prior and he was telling me funny stories of diarrhea and the trauma of mile 17, last year. Thank you, Jon – it put it all in perspective. As we passed the mile 17 marker I could see I had lost 5 minutes and was no longer on track to hit 4:30. I was depressed, but said my goodbyes to Jon and trudged on to mile 19.5 where Candice and Justin stood waiting with water, pain killers, GU and my beloved chapstick. Just before I saw them I passed through the mile 19 water station where I was handed 2 additional GUs, which I carried until I saw Candice and Justin.

I was starving. I didn’t remember being hungry on the run, last year, but my tummy was hungry and I just wanted sugar. So, when I finally got to them, I opened both GUs and had an Aleve with some water. They walked a couple of tenths of a mile with me and sent me on my way. Sadly, I’d never done two GU packs before and within a ½ mile I started to feel heartburn.

A mile later, there was Rachel – raring to run with keys, cell phone and water in hand. I took some water in an effort to lose the heartburn and it worked. By now, however, my back was aching and my left leg, the one that had bothered me for the last several weeks, was in full-pain-mode. I could feel the pain from my calf, through my knee and into my pelvis. I wanted to scream and give up, but Rachel wouldn’t let me. She said, “look, let’s go, we’re going to run to the mile 23 marker and then you can walk a little again.” I agreed, but a mile later, I asked for a quick respite and some water. It wasn’t long before she had me on my feet running again and we passed the mile 23 marker where her sister Margaret stood waiting. A little more water and they agreed that they would run with me to mile 24 and then head back to their car. I don’t know how I would have made it without them. Rachel assured me that Lane would be somewhere to help me within the next mile and she was right.

Just before the mile 25 sign, Lane was there with shorts and running shoes. I was thirsty, but had passed a water station about ½ mile prior. I explained the pain in my knee and pelvis to Lane and she just coasted me through, telling me I looked great and was going to make it. I wanted to die. Fortunately, we got to a water station within a ½ mile and I drank up! Only ½ mile to the end…I promised Lane I would run it – and we did – through the horrible pain and everything. I asked her to cross the finish line with me – I wanted to see Lane in the pictures with me! She was a rock and I remain eternally grateful to her.

The finish was sad, I could see that I didn’t make my time – but once again, I finished – within a minute of the previous year. But, I’ll do it again until I get it right. More, better training!

On the sidelines via the internet and cell phones were so many of the people I love the most, as well. You know who you are – I love you and thank you, too. I knew I had to finish…how embarrassing would it have been for you to never see me finish, never get a text message that I’d crossed. I couldn’t do that!

So, as I sit here, the day after, on the couch with my legs propped up, I am grateful again. You really learn a lot about friendships when things like this come up. Those who really care will always be there, year after year. It makes me smile when I think about all of you. My heart hurts thinking about whether or not I am as good a friend to any of you – making me want to work harder at maintaining the ones that matter most.

As one of my favorite people taught me early in our friendship, “forget about the people from your past, there’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.” Hugs to all of you who are with me now! <3, Mer