It's a long way, but I'm comin' home...

You learn to run, you learn to race through life, this unforgiving pace
These lines we’re tracing to the truth
And, stepping over endless cracks, I navigate these crooked paths
But all my roads lead back to you… 

(Casting Lines by Jacks Mannequin)

These were the lyrics that popped on my iPod as I trudged up the hardest part of my hilly run, this morning.  As it came on, I remembered hearing it in my last mile of the marathon, last weekend, and I remembered the irony of being in my home town of St. Louis looking forward to seeing my mom and my brother within minutes. 

In another 3 weeks it will have been 14 years since my dad passed.  A lot has happened since he passed away – marriage, divorce and 5 marathons.   Ron asked me on our flight out to STL why I spoke of my mom all the time, but never mentioned my dad.  It was odd; at 38 I guess most of my friends still have both of their parents.  Yet, I haven’t had a full set of parents for over a decade – and I was sad to realize that (I guess) my dad doesn’t come up much when I talk to friends, anymore. 

My dad was my running inspiration for a lot of years.  I first started running when I lived in New York City shortly after my dad had passed – it was a great outlet.  I’ve always said “it’s tough to cry when you run.”  There are simply too many endorphins and, of course, running was something he and I had done together for many years when I was a child.  In fact, my dad loved to be outside – running, skiing, biking, tennis.  He was proud that he had raised a relative athlete.  I cannot remember a sport he didn’t encourage me to play.  He was the parent on the sidelines of every soccer game, every volleyball tournament and every tennis match. 

But now, I look back at all of those accomplishments and I think about how much I would have like to have had him there, standing with my mom and my brother at the finish line, last weekend.  And, the more I think about it, the more I realize, he would probably not have joined them – he would have joined me, for all 26.2 miles.